Today I am having a “blue” day. Nothing has really gone wrong but I am wallowing in my destructive self-thought. I am feeling like an imposter; that I have no business doing what I do. I am not believing in me because I am thinking I am not really good enough or anything special. Who am I kidding?
Ever had a day like that?
Truth be known, I do know what happened. Last night I saw an email forwarded to me of regarding what the handful of participants had thought of the sessions we had 3 months earlier. It was the antithesis of the feedback these same people had written following each session so quite disturbing and confusing. I was choosing to believe these latest comments resulting in my feelings of inadequacy even though I am aware of the suboptimal level of communication and compassion within the team. I felt frustrated and inept because I work hard within the organization to dampen toxic communication and here it was staring me in the face and I was reacting.
So this is what I have learned after 3 hours of destructive thoughts that do not serve me and create negative feelings:
- This too will pass.
- I can make the most of it and write a blog about it- we all have off days and need to know we are not alone. (Thus, this writing.)
- I can reach out to a friend or a family member. Yes, I called my spouse.
- I can make the most of it and even if I am not feeling like I am able to access my productive positive thinking self in the moment I can listen to some of the videos on my to do list. That is easy to do. That is still moving forward.
- I can choose not to be so hard on myself. I need to accept myself in my low point and have compassion for me. I am a great coach and it is time to coach myself through this. Now if you do not have a personal coach and feel you cannot get yourself unstuck, feel free to reach out to me. That will certainly help both of us because then I will be back to doing what I love and am passionate about; helping others to be grounded in their own glory so that they can unveil their contribution to making this world a better place for all. This would be a true win-win situation.
- Once I snap out of it I will reflect on what triggered me and how to avoid being triggered next time. I chose to believe this last communication rather than the original even though I know it is not true. When someone says something that you know either the source is not reliable or what they said is not true, we need to set the boundaries in order to keep our own positive energy. I will choose next time not to even spend one minute on actions made by others that in my eyes and experience are unjustified and exemplifying suboptimal communication. It is easy to point the finger of blame and judgment at others and complain. My life is spent creating cultures of strong communication, effective listening and compassion for all so that we all feel connected by resilient relationships and we are each valued for our unique capabilities. How dare I let someone disrupt me from my journey?
- My spouse arrived home sensing my mood and said, “let’s go out for dinner.” We walked to the casual restaurant over looking the golf course and sat outside in spite of the 101-degree temperature. We ordered “healthy”. As I gazed out to the well lit greenery of the golf course with the lights of the city in the horizon and marveled at the scene amidst the sandy desert I replenished my spirit, mind and physical body. Tomorrow will be another day and I am ready.